computers/online dating/family time

Computers are a good thing. I'll admit it. We are better off for having them in our lives. Writing my books was made easier by having a computer. E-mailing friends long distance when we have no time to chat on the phone. No one writes letters anymore. I feel it is a lost artform. I use to pen lovely newsy letters to friends and family. Each one being unique and designed for the person receiving it. Now I have a standard letter from my computer that goes in all my loved ones holiday cards. One letter giving the run down on what has happened in the year since I last wrote. Sad really. I tried this last holiday season to write personal notes but found I did notes to fewer people due to limited time. The one thing I dislike about home computers is they take time from the family.

When I was married and we bought a home computer I felt like I had become a widow. My husband was in the den on the computer every night right after work. He stopped to eat and then he was right back at it until bedtime. Sometimes staying up later than me just to keep surfing the web. This was strictly recreational for him. It had nothing to do with business. Soon I had desires to throw the damn thing out the window. I was upset by the fact we no longer watched a movie together as a couple or as a family. Before the computer we would sit on the couch usually with my feet in his lap and he'd absentmindedly rub my feet and legs while we watched a movie. It was peaceful, cozy and quality us time. I missed talking in bed when he'd stay up later than me. The computer became my competition for my husband's time. The children and I would watch a movie or play a game if I had time after getting dinner and the dishes done. My work was never put on hold to play on the computer. I still had to feed the family, clean up afterwards and help with any homework that needed worked on.

I've heard other women say that their husband's got so wrapped up in chat lines and talking with other women as "just friends" that soon they were ending their e-mails with "I love you." I know of several marriages that ended due to infidelity with people from chat lines. I know of a man who left his wife of 25 years to meet a women in a different state. He left his wife and one child still at home to be with a woman he'd never met face to face. Of course, he and the woman he met are both losers, so he didn't upgrade or anything like that. I also know a couple who met on line (both of them single) and they have been happily together for 6 yrs. Another couple I know has been married ten years. I met a lovely woman who met her husband of 5 years on line after he answered her VERY specific ad. She said it was so detailed in what she wanted in a man that she only received 4 responses. She spoke with this man for a while and flew to meet him and married him in 5 days of meeting him. Her children were grown and he has turned out to be a wonderful man for her. This is rare so do not think it is the norm when thinking of on-line dating. I do not recommend marrying a man that quickly; especially if you have children at home. My point is they were single and not stealing someone's spouse's time away from his/her family. Yes, I know women who are just as guilty of being online as men are.

I just want to know where is the family time? What about quality time with your family/significant other/friends? Chatting with new people can be fun, but I think it needs to be kept in perspective. They are not your family. They are strangers on the computer in another state telling you what they want you to know. You have to be so careful out there. I warn my daughter and her friends all the time that someone can say they are a 16 year old boy and in reality they are a 50 year old man who will hurt them. My daughter took it seriously, because when my boyfriend asked to be a friend on myspace, she verified it was indeed him before she added him. She said to me, "I thought it was him cuz I do not know anyone else by that name but I wanted to be sure." Good for her!

My point in this is to say, keep computers and the internet in perspective. Yes, technology is good, but it is a double edge sword if we are not careful and wise with how we use it. Remember to take time for your children spouse/signigficant other. Those relationships will far surpass anything you might have with someone in a chat room. If you are single...chat away. You may meet the person of your dreams. Be careful though and ask questions; protect yourself.