Cooking for one

It is summer. I know it is summer not because I am wearing tank tops and skirts with my beloved flip flops, but because my daughter is gone and I am eating alone. It is interesting how that happens when they become teens. They are on the phone more, stay the night with friends more, and when they are 16 or their friends are 16, well, they are mobile and gone more.

I am writing this blog because there is no hurry to get home and make dinner tonight. My daughter called and said she is going with a friend for a few hours. Why hurry to make dinner when I am the only one eating. There are times I wander through the store looking at food and what I might want to have for dinner and you know... it isn't so appealing.

I used to love to cook. I had a much larger family some time ago. I had a husband, two step kids and my own son and daughter. I got divorced so I never saw the step kids again. My son was an adult at that time moved out and now has a family of his own. So it left my daughter and I. It is very hard to go from cooking for a small army to cooking for two let alone now cooking for one.

I used to love food. I found comfort in eating certain things. Mashed potatoes and gravy were comfort food to me. I loved to make lasagna and pot roast and of course with every meal there needs to be rolls dripping in melted butter or garlic bread. I love bread way too much. I use to judge a restaurant by how good their bread was. No wonder I gained so much weight. I became quite huge after the divorce. I finally woke up an decided I needed a firm hand and got myself under control. I lost a great deal of weight a year ago. I still have a ways to go before I make my personal goal. But I will say I am down four pant sizes. WOW!!!! I love it! I haven't been this small since before I was pregnant with my daughter 16 yrs ago.

Now I have lost interest in macaroni and cheese, fried chicken, and mashed potatoes and gravy. I no longer eat very much meat. I love veggies and fruits. I am hoping to be 100% vegetarian someday but it is expensive to buy my daughter's foods and my foods as well. If I could slowly get her moved over to my way of eating we'd save a lot more at the grocery store. The money sucking grocery store as my sister and I refer to it.

I love that I can now feel my collar bone and I am not as self conscious in a tank top as I use to be (I never wore them before), but I do miss the quality time of sitting down at the table and talking about our day, sharing with each other. I want that back in so many ways and yet I am glad I do not have to cook big meals anymore. I miss the family in some ways, but I do so love my own space and my own time for me to do what I want to do. I have spent years taking care of everyone else and now it is my turn to take care of my wants and desires. I finally wrote my first book at 39. I have wanted to write a book for years but never took the time or felt I had me time when raising kids. I felt quilty for wanting time for myself. I know that is a mistake many women make.

I think it is time women realizd they do not need to put their dreams on hold because they are raising kids. It can be juggled. Where there's a will there's a way is an old saying but a very true one. I went to school when my daughter was two and my son was eight. I knew I needed college to get a better job to take care of my family. I realized then that I shouldn't put myself on the back burner. I found me, the me I was before getting married and having kids. I found my voice again and realized people were interested in what I had to say.

My daughter will graduate in two years. I am not overjoyed at the prospect of her leaving home so soon. I will miss her. We have a lot in common and share many of the same interests. There is an easy feel to our relationship. We have a peaceful household, rarely do I have arguments with her. She is a bit more dark and brooding than I will ever be (a trait from her father), but nothing too earth shattering, no yelling matches. I would be fine with her staying home while she goes to college. I would miss her terribly if she were to leave in two years, yet I know I'd be fine too. I know I'd then find more time to take some classes I want to take, maybe turn her room into a den/workroom. I have always had a desire to make pottery. I love pottery. I want to put my hands in the clay and use an old fashioned potter's wheel that you have to pump with your foot. Sculpting has been a interest to me from when I helped my ex husband with his life casting. I want to do a plaster sculpture of my boyfriend's backside and mount it on the wall in my bedroom. he has a beautiful back. It would look good with the artwork I have of beautiful full figured women. I have always been facinated with the male body. Okay, okay, getting off track here. Whew! I need to stop thinking of my boyfriend's body and get back to this blog.

You know, I really do not need to wait to take some classes. I can take them now. Where there's a will, there's a way. After all, I don't have to hurry home to make dinner.